I hate February!

I am announcing that I official hate February.

I don't even know where to start with this blog. I thought this month would be a great month. Its the shortest of the year and that means less days to be away from my husband but instead it is turning crappier every time I turn around. It started off supposing to be a great month. I celebrated our 10 year anniversary. I should have been with Mark but its not different than other years, so i shouldn't have been too sad, but I was. It was a big milestone in our marriage.

Then today, only a week into the month, I get the news that I never wanted to hear someone say to me. "your son is autistic" Really my heart dropped and I just wanted to cry. I have never looked at Henry as autistic. I just thought he was delayed with his speech and that he was overactive. but never thought autism. I just don't know what to do or really think.

I don't see everything they see like they do.
* his lack of eye contact, well I see it as he has a short tension span.
* His "flapping of his arms" when excited to me is seen as an excited three year old. He doesn't do it all the time for no reason.
* repeating words many times. The only word I ever hear him say is NO NO NO. when he doesn't get his way.
* He doesn't involve others in play. they based this off him not wanting to play house with the doll set they gave him. He is a boy, he doesn't want to play with dolls. he has no interest in that. He isn't one to have you play with him. He will play along side of you but does his own thing.

Their other concern was that he stuck the bubble wand and a tiny piece of play-doh in his mouth. He has always (and nothing ever else like it) stuck the bubble wand in his mouth, not sure why but he did it always at therapy in San Diego. The play-doh situation annoyed me, because they gave him a baby doll, a plate, a spoon and knife(play of coarse), play-doh and a stick. Then told him to make the baby a birthday cake. so he put the play-doh on the plate and stuck the stick in as a candle. Then they told him to feed the baby the cake. Well he thought the play-doh was cake and that he could eat it. so he stuck a tiny piece in his mouth. We dont play with play-doh in our house, because Makalia had it as a child and made tons of mess with it. Let it dry out and it always got in the carpet so we never gave it to Henry. So to me sticking a piece of play-doh in the mouth of a toddler is nothing strange.

I wish I could talk to Mark and see what he says or thinks but of coarse I can't. I want to be able to tell him but I don't want him thinking and worrying about this while he is gone. But last month I kept things from email until I could talk to him but that blew up in my face. He was mad that I didn't tell him right away. So I am not sure what to do about him, email him and have him worried or listen to him get mad at me when I talk to him for not telling him?

I don't know what the next step is going to be. I have a meeting with the school and a case manager on Friday and then they are going to go over more information and let me know what services the school with offer for him. Some parts of me just don't want to believe it. Other parts of me want to get a second opinion. I just don't know. So i guess I am going to have to wait till friday when I another meeting and see where to go from there. I am sure I will be blogging again then!

love me